I am Writing

UNTITLED- I am Writing

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I sit to pour the contents of my soul into oblivion

That maybe, if I get these words on paper my mind and heart wont

feel so heavy

The world just seems dark, like a shadow has fallen upon it

And as the sun tries to peak its rays, the shadow devours them

Making everything engulfed in darkness

 

They say it won’t hurt to smile once in a while

So you plaster this big gigantic smile to appease them

Let there mind go to rest

They say you should spend more time outside

So, you do. The moment your observed, you go for a walk.

Only to find the most isolated corner of the street to sit on the concrete

If you tell yourself you are okay, more times then one

Maybe you will start to believe it

When your breath catches in your lungs, and darkness overcomes your eyes

Your gonna be okay, thats what you said anyway

They tell you to go find some friends to hang out with

I worry for you when you’re alone

So, you plaster that smile again and tell them “sure thing”

Knowing perfectly well, that your heart goes pitter, platter, pitter, pitter, platter

At the mere thought of saying hello

And your hands get all clammy and your mouth goes all dry

So, just for today, just for tonight

I guess I’ll just stay inside

There’s always tomorrow right?

 

 

 

 

 

I am Writing

Just Being – I am writing

happy-da-y

Have you ever felt happy and sad all at the same time?

There this ache in my chest yet a smile on my face. Its a weird strange feeling because my sadness comes from parting. I always claim that I am happier alone, in the comfort of my own company. But, lately I have been questioning the truth of that matter.

Today I surrounded myself with these amazing individuals, for a paint night. I had the obvious option to go home and be in my solitude, but today I didn’t want to be alone. This rare moment when I craved another individuals company. I painted with a group of people that are so full of life, love and openness. And I want to thank and appreciate  them for existing and being present with me.

The last few weeks have been this emotional rollercoaster of applying for schools, accepting a school, working my ass off to pass my psychology class, I haven’t truly been present in myself and my life. I have been going through the motions of being half-a zombie running on caffeine, sleeping 4 hours a night and attempting to be a functioning adult human being. But, I haven’t been being. I haven’t been present.

My “being” came out yesterday after work when I spent a lovely evening with my wonderful friends eating sushi and girl talking. And the beauty of it was presence. I chose to be 100% present. I have been over flowing with the love that I have been receiving and giving lately and these last two days have been so simple yet so beautiful and freeing.

At the end of the day when the make-up comes off, I am just this soul refusing to fight for survival but just being in the moment. EVERYTHING, I have come to realize is temporary and the amount of value we put on it really comes from deep inside ourselves. Life isn’t really hard, its actually quite simple. Continue to love, continue to be, surround yourself with people that make you feel good, allow yourself to heal and just be present.

ONE LOVE ❤ because thats what its really all about,

Rina