I am Writing

UNTITLED- I am Writing

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I sit to pour the contents of my soul into oblivion

That maybe, if I get these words on paper my mind and heart wont

feel so heavy

The world just seems dark, like a shadow has fallen upon it

And as the sun tries to peak its rays, the shadow devours them

Making everything engulfed in darkness

 

They say it won’t hurt to smile once in a while

So you plaster this big gigantic smile to appease them

Let there mind go to rest

They say you should spend more time outside

So, you do. The moment your observed, you go for a walk.

Only to find the most isolated corner of the street to sit on the concrete

If you tell yourself you are okay, more times then one

Maybe you will start to believe it

When your breath catches in your lungs, and darkness overcomes your eyes

Your gonna be okay, thats what you said anyway

They tell you to go find some friends to hang out with

I worry for you when you’re alone

So, you plaster that smile again and tell them “sure thing”

Knowing perfectly well, that your heart goes pitter, platter, pitter, pitter, platter

At the mere thought of saying hello

And your hands get all clammy and your mouth goes all dry

So, just for today, just for tonight

I guess I’ll just stay inside

There’s always tomorrow right?

 

 

 

 

 

I am Writing

I’d Rather Kiss Heartache (I am Writing/ Slam Peom)

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One kiss

One moment

Faking the healing process

One Smile

Heart pounding

Mind pleading for them not to notice

Chest caving in

Hard to breath

Head held high

Eyes shining making them believe

That everything is okay.

The desire to feel anything other than the unbearable pain

That was protruding through my chest

Like knifes prickling every inch of my skin

Heartbreak

Your soul shattering

A thousand pieces

Like a broken vase hitting the ground

Maybe, maybe if I didn’t act like her

Fault,  Blame

Maybe, maybe if I was different

Maybe if every inch of my soul

wasn’t hurting in the most terrible way

Always being told

You are too young to know what love is?

Please tell me, am I too young to know what heartbreak is?

Am I too young to know that when that song on the radio comes on

The one he held you close too

The one he sang in your ear

The one that made you grin

Comes on the radio and you feel numb

The tears pour down your face

Making you feel small

Making you relive those moments held in the arms of the one

You’ve trusted the most.

The thing that nobody tells you about heartbreak is:

You NEVER stop loving the one who broke you

It gets easier

You learn to survive

You learn to move on

You learn that you may open your heart up again

But, the one who broke will always be special

For the way you love them, will never be the same for anybody else

Its a different kind of love

A sad kind of love

But, heartbreak is just that a different way of loving

And if the universe gave me a choice

Who would I kiss for the rest of my life?

I’d rather kiss the one who caused the heartache

Than one who made me feel nothing at all

 

 

 

I am Writing

Compared (Slam Poem) I Am Writing

compared

When I was in 1st grade I was compared

Compared to my moms best friends daughter

My eating habits were just not fast enough

When I was 15 I was compared

Compared to a granddaughter of my grandmothers friend

Compared

For she was thinner then me

I heard the words “why can’t you be…”

Be skinner

Eat faster

Get better grades

Why can’t you be

The first time I truly fell in love

I was compared to a prior love

Why can’t you be…

This endless cycle of being told

YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH

This endless cycle of wanting to please

Thrown into the wind of identity crisis

Trying to find my own self

While struggling to appeal to the needs of those around me

To be what they need me to be

Terrified that if I didn’t live up to their standards

I would be alone

UNIMPORTANT

That I, I just wasn’t good enough

But then I get told my feelings are valid

But, the root of the problem wasn’t that I was compared

The root of the problem was the feelings of sadness

That arose in my chest

For it broke my heart to be invisible

When all I wanted most was to be seen

How obscene is the thought

To want to be looked at with appreciation for all that I am

And all I can be.