I am Writing

I’d Rather Kiss Heartache (I am Writing/ Slam Peom)

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One kiss

One moment

Faking the healing process

One Smile

Heart pounding

Mind pleading for them not to notice

Chest caving in

Hard to breath

Head held high

Eyes shining making them believe

That everything is okay.

The desire to feel anything other than the unbearable pain

That was protruding through my chest

Like knifes prickling every inch of my skin

Heartbreak

Your soul shattering

A thousand pieces

Like a broken vase hitting the ground

Maybe, maybe if I didn’t act like her

Fault,  Blame

Maybe, maybe if I was different

Maybe if every inch of my soul

wasn’t hurting in the most terrible way

Always being told

You are too young to know what love is?

Please tell me, am I too young to know what heartbreak is?

Am I too young to know that when that song on the radio comes on

The one he held you close too

The one he sang in your ear

The one that made you grin

Comes on the radio and you feel numb

The tears pour down your face

Making you feel small

Making you relive those moments held in the arms of the one

You’ve trusted the most.

The thing that nobody tells you about heartbreak is:

You NEVER stop loving the one who broke you

It gets easier

You learn to survive

You learn to move on

You learn that you may open your heart up again

But, the one who broke will always be special

For the way you love them, will never be the same for anybody else

Its a different kind of love

A sad kind of love

But, heartbreak is just that a different way of loving

And if the universe gave me a choice

Who would I kiss for the rest of my life?

I’d rather kiss the one who caused the heartache

Than one who made me feel nothing at all

 

 

 

I am Writing

Lessons (I am Writing)

 

autumn

I thank the universe

Everyday for that one

Summer which changed my life forever

It taught me what love is

What it feels to be alive

What its like to be encompassed

In another persons limbs

Seeing so much love and hurt  in another person’s eyes

Shattered something deep in me

I wished I didn’t cry

It taught me that a broken heart

Never truly heals

That human beings are more fragile

Than I could ever possibly think

It taught me how to stand with my head

held up high

Even when a thousands feelings were being

surfaced in my eyes

That summer taught me that you just have to stay strong

It taught me that when you love someone

you have got to be selfless

No matter how much it may hurt

As long as you’re happy, thats all the confirmation that I need

I learned that love is my most powerful weapon

And to LOVE is to forgive

I am Writing

Someday’s (I AM WRITING)

miss-you

Someday’s I miss you. And I feel so freaking guilty about it. This guilt, is like a sitting  rock smashed in between the top of my rib cage, at the base of my throat.

Someday’s I just feel stupid about missing you. But, then I don’t feel stupid because my feelings are valid. And its okay to feel because I am human.

It’s crazy to think that time, can be such a huge factor. Time.  A simple, thing constructed of a circle, with numbers and two hands on it. But, controls every aspect of our lives.

It gives us our somedays. The hopeless optimist in me, says somedays, are a form of hope. Something to look forward too.

But, the realist in me wonders about somedays, like why wait until someday when someday can be today. But, then things may not fall into your todays, then become your somedays. Like someday, I’ll graduate from college because I can’tsphinx physically do it today, or someday I’ll fall in love again, or someday I’ll own a sphinx.

Our somedays are this accurate force, that means once in a while, or in the future. Which, brings me back to my somedays.

I pride myself on being  a person, who hurts silently.  I have put on this facade, that when people leave my life, I’m 100% okay, without them. And for the longest time that facade worked for me, for if I was okay with being walked way from, then I couldn’t get hurt. This shelter method started after my biological-dad moved, and I had to be okay with it. There was no stopping it, there was no pleading for  him not to go, it just happened. Eleven year old me, had to be okay with it. My facade has been bullet proof ever since, well maybe apart for that one time like 4-5 1970-chevrolet-el-camino-steve-mcqueen-688x340years ago.

Which brings me back to my somedays. My somedays consist of thoughts of owning a el camino. An orange one to be exact with a black race strip going through the middle. (Picture credit to GMauthority)

My somedays exist of writing a book, about anything just to leave some footprint on this earth. I have a feeling it will be a book of thoughts and journal entries with magazine pictures taped into the pages. A messy book, like my life, which is whirlwind of thoughts feelings and emotions.

My somedays, involves stargazing and cowboy boots. Dusty roads, and country music.

My somedays include a love so fierce that it lights up the entire universe.

My somedays involve books, stories and adventures.

My somedays include bonfires, and get togethers with amazing individuals I am incredibly lucky to call my friends.

My somedays include still missing you, but being okay with it.

With this I set this intention, for happiness, love full of excitement, friendships so strong nothing can break them, adventures that include the need for cowboy boots, and a simple way of living through the magic of it all I create the adventure of a life time.

ONE LOVE ALWAYS,

RINA