Someday’s I miss you. And I feel so freaking guilty about it. This guilt, is like a sitting rock smashed in between the top of my rib cage, at the base of my throat.
Someday’s I just feel stupid about missing you. But, then I don’t feel stupid because my feelings are valid. And its okay to feel because I am human.
It’s crazy to think that time, can be such a huge factor. Time. A simple, thing constructed of a circle, with numbers and two hands on it. But, controls every aspect of our lives.
It gives us our somedays. The hopeless optimist in me, says somedays, are a form of hope. Something to look forward too.
But, the realist in me wonders about somedays, like why wait until someday when someday can be today. But, then things may not fall into your todays, then become your somedays. Like someday, I’ll graduate from college because I can’t physically do it today, or someday I’ll fall in love again, or someday I’ll own a sphinx.
Our somedays are this accurate force, that means once in a while, or in the future. Which, brings me back to my somedays.
I pride myself on being a person, who hurts silently. I have put on this facade, that when people leave my life, I’m 100% okay, without them. And for the longest time that facade worked for me, for if I was okay with being walked way from, then I couldn’t get hurt. This shelter method started after my biological-dad moved, and I had to be okay with it. There was no stopping it, there was no pleading for him not to go, it just happened. Eleven year old me, had to be okay with it. My facade has been bullet proof ever since, well maybe apart for that one time like 4-5 years ago.
Which brings me back to my somedays. My somedays consist of thoughts of owning a el camino. An orange one to be exact with a black race strip going through the middle. (Picture credit to GMauthority)
My somedays exist of writing a book, about anything just to leave some footprint on this earth. I have a feeling it will be a book of thoughts and journal entries with magazine pictures taped into the pages. A messy book, like my life, which is whirlwind of thoughts feelings and emotions.
My somedays, involves stargazing and cowboy boots. Dusty roads, and country music.
My somedays include a love so fierce that it lights up the entire universe.
My somedays involve books, stories and adventures.
My somedays include bonfires, and get togethers with amazing individuals I am incredibly lucky to call my friends.
My somedays include still missing you, but being okay with it.
With this I set this intention, for happiness, love full of excitement, friendships so strong nothing can break them, adventures that include the need for cowboy boots, and a simple way of living through the magic of it all I create the adventure of a life time.
ONE LOVE ALWAYS,