When I was in 1st grade I was compared
Compared to my moms best friends daughter
My eating habits were just not fast enough
When I was 15 I was compared
Compared to a granddaughter of my grandmothers friend
Compared
For she was thinner then me
I heard the words “why can’t you be…”
Be skinner
Eat faster
Get better grades
Why can’t you be
The first time I truly fell in love
I was compared to a prior love
Why can’t you be…
This endless cycle of being told
YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH
This endless cycle of wanting to please
Thrown into the wind of identity crisis
Trying to find my own self
While struggling to appeal to the needs of those around me
To be what they need me to be
Terrified that if I didn’t live up to their standards
I would be alone
UNIMPORTANT
That I, I just wasn’t good enough
But then I get told my feelings are valid
But, the root of the problem wasn’t that I was compared
The root of the problem was the feelings of sadness
That arose in my chest
For it broke my heart to be invisible
When all I wanted most was to be seen
How obscene is the thought
To want to be looked at with appreciation for all that I am
And all I can be.
marinainw0nderland 