I am Writing

Compared (Slam Poem) I Am Writing

compared

When I was in 1st grade I was compared

Compared to my moms best friends daughter

My eating habits were just not fast enough

When I was 15 I was compared

Compared to a granddaughter of my grandmothers friend

Compared

For she was thinner then me

I heard the words “why can’t you be…”

Be skinner

Eat faster

Get better grades

Why can’t you be

The first time I truly fell in love

I was compared to a prior love

Why can’t you be…

This endless cycle of being told

YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH

This endless cycle of wanting to please

Thrown into the wind of identity crisis

Trying to find my own self

While struggling to appeal to the needs of those around me

To be what they need me to be

Terrified that if I didn’t live up to their standards

I would be alone

UNIMPORTANT

That I, I just wasn’t good enough

But then I get told my feelings are valid

But, the root of the problem wasn’t that I was compared

The root of the problem was the feelings of sadness

ThatĀ arose in my chest

For it broke my heart to be invisible

When all I wanted most was to be seen

How obscene is the thought

To want to be looked at with appreciation for all that I am

And all I can be.

 

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